Old Habits die hard

Why is life so hard sometimes?
Something good comes, then something great disappears.
I have this friend; W. I'd say him and I were close; we'd talk a lot, always spend time with each other at parties and gatherings- things seemed great. Until, he told me he liked me. Why I find this so hard to accept I don't know, but I knew I couldn't return his feelings. Now things will just be weird and different. It will take a long time to become friends again, if that ever happens. Sometimes I feel like everything I really want, everything I know that will make me happy is always out of my reach.

I'm so unbelievably tired at the moment- I have no energy to get angry or cry or feel much else. Hopefully, this bout of negativity is down to my lack of sleep. I should tell myself to stay strong, look ahead, think positive, but sometimes, and I hope other people feel this way too, its just too hard to smile.

"So I'm Moving to new york"

Just got home 10 hours after I left my house for London. It has been a LONG day in the recording studio, and I can't be happier to be in my bedroom.
Despite the long day, I've managed to happily sustain myself. The girls and the boys all went to the supermarket TWICE throughout the afternoon and bought doughnuts, sausage rolls, crisps, drinks, curry etc etc etc etc. you name a junk food and they bought it. I, on the other hand bought a packet of mint humbugs- I love these, great for chewing and subsiding any hunger pangs for a bit, plus they seem to last longer than chewing gum. As there was a lot of waiting around as equipment was being set up, sounds levels checked etc, we spent a lot of the time just sitting around and chatting. My tummy only growled once as we were singing which made me chuckle a little bit.
Although, by the time I had walked ALL the way from the station and up the friggin hill in which my house is on, I was feeling rather sick, so I just ate a slice of ham which probably made things worse.
I think I'll go to sleep now and hopefully I feel better in the morning,
Good night all x

"Everything is New"

Chemistry is the devil's subject. I can't bear to read another phrase about ,oles or electro negativity. yawn.

So blogger has stolen my attention, with an occasional glance at facebook and thrilld.com.

Its quite sad really that as I sit here and write about losing weight and "getting that perfect figure", in fact I am sitting down, in my tracksuit, doing absolutely nothing. I'm not really helping myself am I?

I'll have to seek some consolidation in the fact I did a 55 minute aerobics class at the gym this morning. Plus all i've eaten is a mini-banana, a pine-nut salad and drank an americano. I've also managed to discover the amazing fact that a ginger-nut biscuit contains only 45 calories!! Not bad at all!

Anyways, I'm off to my dad's house for the weekend- I work on a Saturday so food is easier to avoid, plus I'm on my feet non-stop running around after customers. I may have to make use of the pedometer on my new i-pod mini. Now I'm almost looking forward to work!!

Some inspiration for the weekend; when a Sunday roast is imminent or a party beckons. 

Rosie Huntingdon Whiteley

 

Tension

I really hate arguments, I try to avoid them at all costs, really.

I hate it when you get those awful butterflies in your stomach when you've fallen out with your friends over something utterly pathetic. Well that's what I get; I feel completely lost and just generally sad.

I hate it even more when an argument makes me angry- I'd much rather just be alone than with someone who makes me angry.

I had an argument with my mum, who is a like friend to me in a really cheesy way. She walked in and started talking to me when I was utterly engrossed watching Silent Witness- quick summary: pathologists ominously walking around crime scenes, cutting up bodies and discovering murder cases, it's completely addictive!

So she muttered something to me and I may have a given her a half-hearted response in my dazed state. What followed was her telling me to "not use that tone with her", turning her nose up at me then storming out the room.

As I said, over something utterly pathetic. But it made me sooo mad. Its at times like that when I just get this sense of determination inside. Times like that when how realise how pitifully skinny my mum's legs were when she stormed out. Her 5"12 model-esque body just makes an argument even worse.

Why hello out there!

Well, its been four months since my last post, this mean my last ACTUAL commitment to eating healthily. Pretty shabby if you ask me.

In terms of eating... well there's been A LOT of it. Please tell me that everyone seems to just balloon at the thought of Christmas. I admire you girls who can resist even the momentary thought of a turkey. good on you.

New years Eve was a bit of a spectacle as well. I may have drank a bit too much wine, smoked a few too many cigarettes amongst other things and things took a turn for the worse.

I not only threw up, but threw up on my drive! Thank god the new year brought an onslaught of rain, washing away the evidence before my mum spotted it.

Phew.

But anyway, as always, a new year brings new promises and I PROMISE to stick to my promise- eat healthier, exercise more, and get that "dream" body every girl wants. It'll take time, but I will get there.